What is your definition of “affair”?
A few days ago, got bored with my notes, I stumbled upon a random video on youtube of Oprah, it’s about one of her shows that talks about affair: why people are two-timing, or having flirtation with someone else while being in a relationship him/herself. Why people can’t be loyal to his/her partner?
In Buddhism, one of the Five Precepts is Kamesu-micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami, which means “I undertake the rule of training to refrain from wrong conduct in sexual pleasure” in English. Well, basically it means you should be loyal to your partner. I think, ethically and morally, it is wrong to be unfaithful. There are so many debates saying that there are grey areas in this issue. I’m not here to judge it. There may be some grey areas, or maybe not. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is, are we going to hurt others or ourselves by our own conducts (in this term is, being disloyal).
Then, another important question to ask is: “Where is the line? When would you consider an affair?“
Some may say that an affair has happened when you’ve kissed someone else. Some say, when you’ve had sex with the other person. What is your definition?
I read an article on the latest Marie Claire magazine (Australian edition), writing two perspectives of people dealt with an affair. One is the one who’s hurt (her hubby had a mistress) and the other one who is cheating with another married man. It was totally an eye-opener. There are some guilt in the heart of the cheater, but the rationale tries to take control and lessen the guilt.
From a video on youtube (re a study on affair), most people having affair not because the sex life at home is not satisfying, but the connection that makes them playing with fire. It doesn’t mean that they have no love for their spouses, but the chemistry (or connection) between them is out the window. Another is, they want affections.
It seems like when people are in relationship, one or another tends to take it for granted. That is why I like Beyonce’s new single: If I were a boy:
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
So…. What is an affair to you? How do you define it?
Posted by bobbierocket on May 6, 2010 at 2:50 am
I am having an affair right now.. I have defined it. I have fallen in love with someone that is not my husband. We have never met in person yet talked on line and on the phone. I think falling in love is the “worst” cheat…. but still it seems to be more forgivable than a sex act, I’m not sure why. The “If I were a Boy” lyrics are haunting.. I can totally relate.
Posted by roujinlim on May 11, 2010 at 11:28 pm
Well… I think it’s not uncommon to have an affair (emotionally and/or physically). But I believe your partner deserves some truthfulness… better off him finding it out from you than from somewhere/one else…. you reckon?
Again when you fall for the other guy… you may be falling for the qualities that you missed and wished to have of which your husband has none of…. So communicating this missing “ingredients” could revive your relationship? I don’t know.. perhaps… Just my 2 cents anyway