Roughly a month ago, I went to Aloka Monastery to attend the Birthday celebration of the Abbot there. He gave an inspiring talk as his “wish” — in fact, he didn’t intend to have a celebration. But his disciple who has been with him for many many years insisted and persuaded him to make it happen.
The talk he gave was about turning points in his life. He basically was telling about his past — the times before he became a monk. It was inspiring in a way that if only he chose or make a different decision, he won’t be a monk at this right moment. But for some reason, it also seems like things happened in his life led him to become a monk…..
At the same time, it made me ponder — we all have our turning points — points when we had to make “big” decision that could change the direction of our life. I did have mine; at leaset a couple of times. First, when I was little, reckon I was about 10 years old. I was just a kid, and I didn’t realise that my decision that time could change my life. It was just the beginning of a big journey of my life…. It was the time when I decided to study in a different town away from my family and parents. But I didn’t initiate it if my auntie and her family didn’t persuade me into it. I was someone who was thirsty of knowledge (can you believe it???!). I was so eager to study at school (well even though I wasn’t studious, but I enjoyed learning things)… My hometown is small — and its education is way behind others of bigger town. So my auntie talked me into it by “tempting” me that the education in Medan (the town where I’d moved to) is way better than of my hometown (it is true, indeed~!)
I was naive.. really naive.. I was tempted by the offer and told my parents that I wanted to stay in Medan to study. I didn’t think of the consequences of being away from my family and parents. I was too ambitious, perhaps… I don’t know why I could make up such decision. I didn’t realise what it could bring into my life…. Honestly, looking back, I regret nothing about that decision. It was a big decision, at least for me, to move away from my family at such a young age. [FYI, in Medan I lived with my relos during that time... so not so bad I suppose] I also have to say, my parents were wise enough to let me stay in Medan. It wasn’t easy for every parents, I believe. My mum called and tried talked me out of it so many times, to ask me whether it was what I really want… But I was adamant, nothing could change my mind…. But I had my first breakdown (ie reality shock) when my dad left me for home (aka hometown)… I locked myself in a room and cried my heart out after he walked out the door! I knew then it was too late for me to turn back time…. I was also feeling loney and scared in the new environment I was living in…. Well, actually I wasn’t living with few people; in fact the number of people staying in the house was twice as my family! I had my auntie, uncle, and my cousins there… and also my eldest brother. But I wasn’t close with my eldest brother (because he was sent away since he was 7 years old), I was way closer to my 2nd brother.
Living away from parents changed my life from a spoilt daughter to an independent girl. I grew emotionally faster than the rest of my peers. In fact, I believe, some of my friends looked upon me because of my “maturity” and independence. I really feel grateful for this turning point. I would have become a different person if I kept staying with my parents. I think I would be a selfish and spoilt girl if I was growing up in that town. Once in awhile I went back home, and when I saw people who were at my age, I felt more grateful for living away. I don’t mean that the people were bad, but their mindsets were different from mine, and some of them even had less respect to others (ie older people). But things changed now, people change too.. I mean, we all are older and (hopefully) wiser.
There are so many other turning points in my life that if I write them all, it would take pages and pages… So let me leave it to this one. Now, I want to ask you .. have you thought of your turning points in your life that have made you who you are now? I believe everyone has turning points in life, and I think we should be grateful for those turning points (good or bad), because they have shaped us for who we are now….
