I had an interesting conversation with my colleague today. It is quite interesting to see her point of view that we should not feel angry or upset. To some extent I agree with that notion. But I still have own reservation on that idea…

For me, feelings – whatever they are: anger, happiness, sadness, loneliness, etc. – are normal. They are part of our lives. When a condition arises to prompt a particular feeling, the feeling will pop out. For example, when someone disappoints you, you’ll get upset. That’s the simple case. However,uncontrolled feelings sometimes could lead to danger or regrets. For instance, people who can’t control their anger, may hurt someone physically or mentally.

The point is, feelings are just feelings. They are not me — or you. They come and go. My favorite recipe to deal with negative emotions is: AFL — Acknowledge, Forgive, and Let go (Learn). But for most people, the hardest thing is to acknowledge when the feeling arises. Mindfulness equips us to do this. I find meditation helpful in many ways, especially in being aware of what’s happening inside our mind.

That’s why I said it’s normal to have feelings — be it negative or positive. Never identify the feelings as yourself. They are just feelings, come and go. Welcome any feelings you have into your heart and when they’re going away, wave a goodbye with a smile.

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta.

Unibuds presents to you the BIGGEST event of the year: Bodhi Nite 2009! This year the theme is Imprmanence. We all know that things are impermanent… but do we really see it? How should we react or embrace impermanence in life? Especially of those that cause us suffering?

Unibuds, a Buddhist society at UNSW, is working hard to pull together the best effort from everyone involved! For 29 years, Unibuds has been growing and becoming stronger because of people who are ongoingly support Unibuds! So… please come and share the joy with us on 29th Aug 2009, 6-7pm, at Clancy Auditorium UNSW! On that night, we are going to perform different shows: Choir, Sketch, Mulitmedia, and Comedy!

So, if you are interested feel free to contact the person on the poster! Hope to see you there!

“I love you” that is what we normally like to hear, especially from those who we are close and dear with. But have you ever told those three magic words to yourself?

I remember a line from Karaniya Metta Sutta (Discourse on Loving Kindness) of a Buddhist scripture, saying that love is like “Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life even so let one cultivate a boundless love towards all beings.” Imagine that you’re the mother of yourself that would accept whatever flaws and mistakes you’ve done to yourself and your life, the mother who would open the door of her heart anytime without asking for anything. Imagine, such love that you could just let go of all the hurtful past and hurt that has came into your life. Such love — that is a beautiful love that could touch everyone, including yourself.

I believe everything must start from within before you could bring or exude it out. Sometimes I find the line “I love you” was said out of convention, habit, or even culture. How many times that you really mean the words while you’re saying it? But love is a funny feeling — the love that we normally encounter is conditional love. It changes and evolves. When the condition is supportive, you could feel overwhelmed by the feeling, but when the conditions are not, you could feel the opposite.

But it will be beautiful if we could start loving ourselves unconditionally. Let’s start little by litte, start from the self. Appreciate yourself and your life. That is the best gift that you could give to yourself. Punishing yourself ain’t make things better, but worse. I’ve been there — beating up myself (mentally) and got up afterwards. I have this flux of state of mind… at times I’ve been critical, but at times I’ve been forgiving to myself… But slowly, I could see that myself sailing towards the sea of forgiveness. I know my destination and I will sail through all obstacles and be at the destination by the end of my journey…..

“I love you” that is the biggest and dearest words that I want to tell myself, no matter what happens to me..

Roughly a month ago, I went to Aloka Monastery to attend the Birthday celebration of the Abbot there. He gave an inspiring talk as his “wish” — in fact, he didn’t intend to have a celebration. But his disciple who has been with him for many many years insisted and persuaded him to make it happen.

The talk he gave was about turning points in his life. He basically was telling about his past — the times before he became a monk. It was inspiring in a way that if only he chose or make a different decision, he won’t be a monk at this right moment. But for some reason, it also seems like things happened in his life led him to become a monk…..

At the same time, it made me ponder — we all have our turning points — points when we had to make “big” decision that could change the direction of our life. I did have mine; at leaset a couple of times. First, when I was little, reckon I was about 10 years old. I was just a kid, and I didn’t realise that my decision that time could change my life. It was just the beginning of a big journey of my life…. It was the time when I decided to study in a different town away from my family and parents. But I didn’t initiate it if my auntie and her family didn’t persuade me into it. I was someone who was thirsty of knowledge (can you believe it???!). I was so eager to study at school (well even though I wasn’t studious, but I enjoyed learning things)… My hometown is small — and its education is way behind others of bigger town. So my auntie talked me into it by “tempting” me that the education in Medan (the town where I’d moved  to) is way better than of my hometown (it is true, indeed~!)

I was naive.. really naive.. I was tempted by the offer and told my parents that I wanted to stay in Medan to study. I didn’t think of the consequences of being away from my family and parents. I was too ambitious, perhaps… I don’t know why I could make up such decision. I didn’t realise what it could bring into my life…. Honestly, looking back, I regret nothing about that decision. It was a big decision, at least for me, to move away from my family at such a young age. [FYI, in Medan I lived with my relos during that time... so not so bad I suppose] I also have to say, my parents were wise enough to let me stay in Medan. It wasn’t easy for every parents, I believe. My mum called and tried talked me out of it so many times, to ask me whether it was what I  really want… But I was adamant, nothing could change my mind…. But I had my first breakdown (ie reality shock) when my dad left me for home (aka hometown)… I locked myself in a room and cried my heart out after he walked out the door! I knew then it was too late for me to turn back time…. I was also feeling loney and scared in the new environment I was living in…. Well, actually I wasn’t living with few people; in fact the number of people staying in the house was twice as my family! I had my auntie, uncle, and my cousins there… and also my eldest brother. But I wasn’t close with my eldest brother (because he was sent away since he was 7 years old), I was way closer to my 2nd brother.

Living away from parents changed my life from a spoilt daughter to an independent girl. I grew emotionally faster than the rest of my peers. In fact, I believe, some of my friends looked upon me because of my “maturity” and independence. I really feel grateful for this turning point. I would have become a different person if I kept staying with my parents. I think I would be a selfish and spoilt girl if I was growing up in that town. Once in awhile I went back home, and when I saw people who were at my age, I felt more grateful for living away. I don’t mean that the people were bad, but their mindsets were different from mine, and some of them even had less respect to others (ie older people). But things changed now, people change too.. I mean, we all are older and (hopefully) wiser.

There are so many other turning points in my life that if I write them all, it would take pages and pages… So let me leave it to this one. Now, I want to ask you .. have you thought of your turning points in your life that have made you who you are now? I believe everyone has turning points in life, and I think we should be grateful for those turning points (good or bad), because they have shaped us for who we are now….

Your perception creates the life you see. It’s your attitude towards life and how you see your life that determines your quality of life.

Everyone is wearing different specs and see the world differently. Some may see the same cup as half full or half empty. It’s called perception. When you perceive something positive, you’ll find it positive and otherwise. So basically with the same situation and event, there may be different reactions we could see from people.

With this current situation, during this financial crisis, I believe everyone feels the impact — directly or indirectly. Some may find this time tough and get discouraged and pessimistic with the future. But some may find opportunities during this time. We all face the same thing: financial crisis, but we have two different reactions: positive and negative.

Sometimes, it’s not so much of what’s happening that matters. But it’s our attitude attending that matters that could be an issue. It’s the phenomenon of life that things change. Things would never stay the same. Five to eight years ago we had the wonderful time financially. We had wonderful growth during previous decade, but now we are declining. Some may think this time is the worst time, but look at ten years ago, twenty years ago… we also had recession! Things are going up and down.

There is nothing wrong with things changing — it’s mainly our mental attitude that we need to tune around. We should have a positive outlook in life. There is always two side of a coin in life. It’s your choice whether you want to see it in a very rosy glasses, or you want to look at it from a gloomy and dull glasses. Again, I can’t emphasise enough, it’s a CHOICE!

It’s very important to focus on the things that we already have — instead of focusing on the things that we haven’t had yet. That is also a “problem” with current condition. During recession, people are sad or stressed because they can’t have what they wanted to have. But, they tend to neglect those things that they already had: their life, family, friends, (little) money/possessions, achievements. Why can’t we channel our energy more onto these things? When we put our attentions to these things, then we will feel our life is wonderful and fullfilling. You will feel like you are rich. So, the secret of being rich is that to acknowledge of what you have already had and cherish those things.

Remember, things are changing — so while you still have what you’re having, cherish it!

This morning, I bumped into a friend at the bus stop, and had a quick chat with him. It was the first time I met him there— I’ve been waiting at the same bus stop for the last month at the same time, but surprisingly I saw him there. It was a nice coincidence.

He is a Buddhist too, and I knew him through one of the activities UNIBUDS organised. During our short talk, he told me that he’s been having a terrible gastric problem, and because of that he won’t be able to join a retreat held during the coming long weekend, because all participants are required to uphold Eight Precepts, which includes no meal after mid-day. So he was disappointed.

But his gastric is not a simple gastric. I mean, it’s something to do with the tectonic movement of the earth. Few years ago, he had the same gastric problem in the moment before the tsunami hit Aceh (Indonesia), also during the most recent big earthquake in China…..

Scary but true.. it turned out that his gastric today wasn’t a “normal” gastric problem. I cautiously read the news articles to search for any news related to the earth movement (eg earthquake, tsunami, or other natural disaster). I sadly found what I was looking for: earthquake in Italy. My heart always goes to the victims of earthquakes — becaue my hometown 3 or 4 years ago was hit by a massive earthquake which collapsed one of our properties. It was a gloomy moment for all of us — especially those people who have lost their friends and families. Luckily, there wasn’t anyone hurt in my family — we only lost materials and possessions. But it’s not like in a movie, we didn’t really have a happy ending. Some of my relos — the whole family; my cousin, his wife, and their 2 sons— took their last breathes buried by collapsed ceilings. It was a gloomy moment.. the scars caused weren’t yet healed and cured completely. I could see that sometimes my mum missed her gone friends. Also, I could see how my auntie sometimes has moments when she missed her son and his family. It left a scar, but we lived with it. What’s happened in the past, we can’t erase them. It’s already passed and gone. What we could do now is to live in the now and move on. There is no happiness in grasping on the past.

I wish that the condition in Italy is getting better and the victims can move on…. May all beings be well and happy….

This time I want write something more personal — what has happened in my life. This month has been an overwhelming one to me. January was the month when I felt a lot of hiccups, particularly in career sector, but February brings so many surprises!

I have to admit, I’m a bit supersticious. Once my housemate introduced to me a horoscope website that she found quite accurate. She said that  it’s suggested a good date to do job hunting/application and she applied the job that she’s got on that date! And there are some other details that she found was true as well. So yeah… I stumbled upon the webiste and read the January part — it sounds good; seems like my life is smooth in that month, including career. It said that the early of the moth I will travel, which is true! I went on a road trip from late Dec til early Jan! But the rest was about getting a new home/ property which is not quite relevant to my situation. As usual, it also gives out the “lucky dates” of the month. It says that my career excitement will fall on 22nd and 23rd Jan –> and then it continues with saying that the Jan 9th will bring a surprise. But I didn’t have any excitement on career on both days. But………. I did apply for a position on the 20th Jan (2 days apart from 22nd). And guess what, the position (at IKEA) is offered to me!

Then came February, and I curiously had a read on the website again. This time, to my surprise, has some “connection” to my life. Even though what it says doesn’t translate directly in my life, but I found there is interesting connection. It says that this month my home sector is pretty strong and it suggests that I should buy a property this month. It also says that I would need to relocate because of my job or any other commitment in my life. It also gives some important dates that I found creepily true!

In February, it says that I’d be busy around the week  9th (plus and minus one week). You know what! I was sooooo busy in the week from the 9th to 15th! I didn’t even have time to breathe (of course it’s exaggeration!). Just like January, the month also revolves around property and real estate — not relevant to me. But —— you know what, the job interviews I had in this month were from companies revolving real estae or home! There were 2 from real estate companies (one accepted me, one rejected me) [I rejected the offer of the positon btw].  And another interview is with a furniture company, IKEA! Could you see the link?

It also says that the 9th will be an exciting time for my career — and guess what, my first interview with IKEA was on the 9th! Then it continues saying that 16-17th will be my happiest days in the month! [Not quite true -- but close] I received the feedback of my first interview on 18th and it was a good one: I was invited for a second interview. Another interesting point to note is that it says that the 24th will bring exceptional good news about home and it’s a good time to sign papers. You know what, I received the offer (from IKEA) on the 24th! And I signed the offer on the same day too!

Geez… looking at the links of the incidences, it is hard not to believe that the prediction has something! Anyway, I don’t say that I remembered the dates and jotted them on my diary and did what it says. I just did my own activities without even had those horoscope prediction in my head. Only when everything has happened and I read back, I was shocked to find some connections!

It’s been an overwhelming month to me. I was so down last month because of job hunting, but everything falls into places this month. To be honest, I am LUCKY! Super lucky! I only actively searched for jobs from 12th Jan til 5th Feb! It’s even less than a month! I am super super lucky! I can’t tell how lucky I am…. With current economic situation, my luck is even tripled! According to my friends, in average they got their jobs in 6 months (when the economy was still growing — 2 years ago). SIX MONTHS! Yap…. It only took me less than a month! Geez… I am so grateful. Plus, how many of us could get a full time position before having a permanent residency status?

I believe there is “something” here. I believe it has to do with karma — thanks to UNIBUDS. UNIBUDS provided a very solid ground to do many good deeds, especially as an EXCO when you have more opportunities to practice good karma. Many of my fellow (ex)Excos got their job pretty quickly. I know one who has got a job offer before he graduated! One got a job at first application. One got a job that she really loves and she secured the job not long after she left uni.

I have to say — what I have earned today came from effort as well. It’s not magical — like what the prediction sounds. I put effort too. Meditation has helped me a lot on this journey. I have been meditating and chanting to calm my mind and find peace in my mind. Before I went for the IKEA interviews (which I wanted so badly) I did metta meditation a few minutes before I met the interviewer. For some reason, it did help! The interview was so enjoyable. I guess it comes with the people in IKEA, who are friendly and open.

I know, my challenges haven’t yet ended. In fact, it just begins. But all in all, I am very grateful. Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.