In the morning, when I came to my desk, I found there was a nice piece of coloured paper on my desk. Apparently, there is this contest in my office to write our wish on the paper and hang it on the Christmas Tree. I think there will be a winner announced during the X’mas breakfast. When I realised what the paper was for, I decided to write this wish. I don’t intent and wish to win the contest, if there is any, but I’d like to share my wish and hope I could spread this seed of thought as much and wide as possible. May this inspires you to be kind and gentle to yourself and others. MERRY X’MAS!

I wish more and more people would find peace in the heart

I wish those who are less fortunate could still SMILE =)

I wish those who are fortunate could lend a hand to those who are less fortunate

I wish we all are content enough that we don’t need to wish for more in life.

Because of this urge to get a job, I’m faced with my “demons”. I am calling them demons because they’re destructive. They are the noises in my head that tell me I’m not good enough, that I may not be able to achieve what I wanted, or people won’t hire me, etc. you name it! These noises pull down my confidence, and as a result, I have fear in me – mainly fear of failure. But all these are noises and feeling. They are not the “real” me. They are there because it’s normal to have thoughts and doubts. It’s part of being human to have all these doubt, emotions, and thoughts. I decided to befriend and welcome them. I don’t want to push them away, and just simply let them be what they are.

Once the “me” being taken away from the equation of the process of thinking and feeling, I feel more at peace. Fear is just fear. It comes and goes. It may affect me a little bit (or even maybe more than a bit) for a while, but I’d keep reminding myself that this is just another phenomenon in life. There is nothing magical or special about it. It’s just like this.

Why it’s so hard for us to do the best we can now without worrying about the outcomes in the future? Well, I think it’s because we in general are afraid of failure. But if I ask you, why failure is so scary? Why do we see failure is something bad? You may say, it hurts when we fail. But we forget the beauty failure entails. Failure comes with lessons to learn, and sometimes it’s subjective and relative. For some, failure could mean having a 70% result of an exam. But for some, failure could mean something like losing a job. So it’s subject to personal’s perspectives and expectations. So when something turns out to be below our expectation, we consider it as a failure.

However have we ever turned around and see the failure as a something more positive/beautiful? I’d like to see a half full glass instead of half empty, but doesn’t mean that my eyes are blinded by the reality. By accepting what really happens (e.g., losing a job) and see any opportunity behind the event, we may see some light in the dark! Yet if we are caught up in this cloud of being a failure, we won’t be able to see what could become our benefit.

Again, as I said I’m at a crossroad in my life. This could be a turning point – but one thing that I’m certain…. no matter what’s the outcome, I don’t want to lose my “heart” (ie Citta/Dhamma). Things could turn sour or bad, but as long as I’m in touch with my heart, I know I will be ok. So…. Que Sera Sera (Whatever will be, will be).

May you all be well and happy.

PS: Click here for an inspiring video on Failure by J.K. Rowling. Hope it could inspire you!

To many people, this may be a very devastating news. Mind you, it was sad and disappointing receiving this. Honestly, on the day itself I cried. I had mixed feelings – I felt disappointed, sad, and also hurt. The thought of leaving my colleagues – who are now like my friends – is heartbreaking. Also, on top of that, I was also concerned of my boss – how he’s going to cope with his current job and also mine. No matter how bad (it seems) the company treats me, I decided not to harbour hard feelings towards it. Long ago, I’ve made a promise to myself that I won’t lose my “heart” in any situations – especially of those when you’re hurt by someone else. It’s just not worth it! Not worth it to lose my inner peace and love for the hurt feelings others have caused.

The earliest teaching that I’ve received on setback is when I was 7 years old. In a hindsight, it wasn’t really a major setback… but for the 7-year-old-me it was.  It’s still vivid in my memory, I was crying in the couch while my dad was typing next to me. Feeling curious and concerned of what happened, my dad asked why I was crying. Then I told him that my rank fell in the 2nd term. My dad then was telling me that I was wasting my energy crying. “Things have happened and nothing I could do to change the past”, he said. “But, there is still something you could do. There is another term left in the year, and if I study harder, I could be on the top again”. That was my awakening moment. Since then on, I somehow gained inner strength when I faced challenges or setbacks in life. Thanks Dad for the valuable lesson.

I believe it’s not what happens that is a problem. But it’s our attitude attending to it that could be a problem. We have and make choices in life. In my recent condition, I have made my choice: to stay positive. The uncertainty of the future scares me, but being overwhelmed by the fear won’t help me either. I just want to do things one by one and put as much effort as I could possibly do.

This too shall pass.

Metta in Pali means loving kindness. It’s unconditional love. It’s part of the Buddhist practice to develop metta in our heart — not only metta to all other beings, but also to ourself. Everything start from within, then it spreads out. The following guide I took from a passage in a book titled “Seeing the way”, Buddhist reflections on the spritual life. The meditation was guided by Ven. Anando. It’s suggested that the meditation is done in group and it’s read by someone who’s leading the meditation. I like to share it with you, who knows it’s of benefit for you

This will be a meditation on loving-kindness. It will incorporate a simple visualisation using a faculty of mind that we use quite routinely. For instantce, if I suggest bringing to mind the image of a flower, we can do that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a rose or a lily, or what colour it is, or even how clear that mental image is – something fleeting is adequate.

Now sitting upright, notice if there’s any tension in the face. Relaxing around the eyes, around the jaw and mouth. Let the attention come down to the heart area – an area in the middle of the chest, around the sternum, the breastbone. We breathe in, experiecing the breath energy. It’s almost as if it’s possible to breathe in and out from that area in the middle of the chest. Now as we breathe in, saying to ourselves: MAY I BE WELL – wishing oursevels well, let there be a sense of well-being, a subtle gesture of mercy directed towards ourselves. Let the past be; letting it go; and for this moment in time, just keep letting the mind come to the breath, and the heart, and the thought, in an harmonious whole. Breathing in: MAY I BE WELL… and then breathing out, directing that some merciful energy outwards, saying: MAY OTHERS BE WELL.

Continue letting a simple rhythm develop – breathe in: MAY I BE WELL, breathe out: MAY OTHERS BE WELL..

If the mind has wandered off, gently, with great patience, bring the attention back. It’s a soft movement, coming back to the heart, to the breath, to the thought – breathing in: MAY I BE WELL, breathing out through the heart: MAY OTHERS BE WELL…

What we are doing is beginning to attune ourselves to that which is loving and compassionate in the universe. Opening up to that caring energy and allowing it to energise us, nourish us, using the breath and the thought as a channel, as a vehicle for that energy. Breathing in: MAY I BE WELL. And then channel that energy out to others: MAY OTHERS BE WELL…

Keeping the breath soft and steady, letting the breath energy nourish us; breathing in to the heart, breathing out through heart….

Opening up to that which is compassionate in the universe. Breathing in, letting the heart become more sensitive and receptive to that energy. Breathing out, the heart becoming more open and expansive, giving out: MAY OTHERS BE WELL….

And when we’re ready… take a slow, deep breath into the heart, letting the thought and breath energy fill us. Holding it for a while — keeping it comfortable. “Allowing the thought to deepen that sense of well-being. Letting it saturate us, permeate the body. Breathing out, slowly, quietly, back out through the heart: MAY OTHERS BE WELL. Doing that a few times – deep breath in, hold it, and out….

Now we begin to use the visualisation, working more with the out-breath.  On the in-breath continue as before, breathing into the heart with the thought: MAY I BE WELL. And on the out-breath, we first bring to midn the image of our parents – it doesn’t matter where they are, near or far, alive or dead. Bringing them up one at a time, or together – whichever is easier. Seeing them a few feet in front of us, and each time we breathe out bringing up that image and directing our thought of kindness and acceptance towards them. So breathing in with the thought: MAY I BE WELL.. and breathing out, with the mental image of our parents. As we breathe out: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Next: bringing to mind our spiritual teachers, those who have helped us, guided us, encouraged us, instructed us throughout our life. With the out-breath, a gesture of gratitude, using the thought: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Bringing to mind now our family; partner, children, brothers and sisters – one at a time, or in a group. With the out-breath, a gesture of affection: MAY THEY BE WELL. Breathing into the heart: MAY I BE WELL, breathing out through the heart: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Now bringing to mind a special friend or friends – those whom we feel would benefit from thoughts of kindness. With the out-breath, bringing them into the mind and wishing them well; a subtle embrace, a gesture of caring….

Breathing into the heart: MAY I BE WELL. Breathing out through the heart: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Bringing to now those whom we practise with, those in our immediate environment; directing our thoughts out, including all of them: MAY THEY ALL BE WELL AND AT PEACE…

Now bringing to mind an image of the Earth as if seen from outer space. Towards a beautiful blue, white, green brown image, directing our thoughts: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL. Breathing out: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL…

And now bringing to mind an image of spaciousness, emptiness. Into that vastness directing our thoughts: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL. Letting the mind open up, open out; letting the heart open up, open out. The body drops away – no boundaries – vastness – spaciousness….

Now carefully, in a slightly more focussed way, bringing our attention back to the heart, a point in the middle of the chest, and breathing in slowly and deeply with the thought: MAY I BE WELL. Holding it for a while.. Letting that thought spread as a sense of well-being throughout the body, energising and nourishing us. With the out-breath, slowly and quietly, back out through the heart. Doing that once or twice – deep breath in, hold it, and out…

Now bringing to mind an image of someone you hurt, intentionally or not, alive or dead.. and using their name, saying:  PLEASE FORGIVE ME… Calling to mind someone you hurt.. using their name saying: PLEASE FORGIVE ME…

Paying very close attention to the heart. Keeping it open.. and now bringing to mind an image of someone who hurt you. Using their name saying: I FORGIVE YOU… Brigning to mind someone who hurt you. Using their name saying: I FORGIVE YOU…

Now using our own name, we say: I FORGIVE YOU… Using our own name, we say: I FORGIVE YOU…. and YOU ARE FORGIVEN…. YOU ARE FORGIVEN…

Being with those feelings of caring. Bringing them into the heart; holding them gently.. Now carefully coming back to the breath – the breath energy coming into the heart with the though: MAY I BE WELL. Being nourished. And back out, out through the heart for others: MAY OTHERS BE WELL.

So simple – breathing in, being energised. Breathing out, wishing others well. Breathing out for others….

Bell to end meditation.

This is my first blog after God knows how long! I hope everyone is having a good time there.

Nothing much really I want to write here. To be honest, I have been busy and also had no inspiration to write, so I was absent for quite some time. Here I am, typing an entry, with not much thing want to say…

I am a terrible communicator, really .. Can’t really express myself verbally, that’s why I take solace in writing. It’s somehow therapeutic… Lately I’ve been too harsh on myself, been critising myself for anything wrong [or maybe not so wrong] I’ve done. I have this tendency to self make myself misery by putting in the negativity in my mind. In good times, when my positive energy is strong, I could beat this negativity, but sometimes I gave in because it’s too strong.

Having said this, I came to realise that each of us needs appreciation and recognition — by others, but more importantly, by our self! I had a colleague who is leaving our company because he didn’t receive the appreciation and recognition that he deserves. Same thing with us — if we don’t give our self a pat on the back, we won’t feel we’ve done great, and if this keeps happening, our self esteem will be at stake. That’s when we had the doubt about our own capability. Don’t get me wrong, doubt itself is “healthy” if we know how to handle it. The problem happens when we believe it.

I’m not saying that I always could get away with this self doubt, but I kept reminding myself I’m better than that. There is an article I read on a magazine that gives a tip on how to react to negative thoughts. The article was based on a life of a man who constantly has negative thoughts and thinks that he doesn’t deserve the good. He has a mantra to tell his thoughts in his head: “Yes, maybe”. This is a very good mantra. This is exactly an effective trick of how to get away with it.

When we try to push things away that we don’t like, the things will linger like a leech licking your blood! The best way of dealing with it is to be its friend. Welcome it, or even agree with it. Just like what the guy does, he told his thoughts “Yes maybe”. So he doesn’t even try to justify why he deserves it or not. By making peace with the unwanted sounds in our head, just smile and say “yes, you may be right”. And then smile and breathe

Okay then, that’s the ramble of today. I don’t know how helpful it is, but hope it could somehow bring an insight to you!

Take care!

For me, feelings – whatever they are: anger, happiness, sadness, loneliness, etc. – are normal. They are part of our lives. When a condition arises to prompt a particular feeling, the feeling will pop out. For example, when someone disappoints you, you’ll get upset. That’s the simple case. However,uncontrolled feelings sometimes could lead to danger or regrets. For instance, people who can’t control their anger, may hurt someone physically or mentally.

The point is, feelings are just feelings. They are not me — or you. They come and go. My favorite recipe to deal with negative emotions is: AFL — Acknowledge, Forgive, and Let go (Learn). But for most people, the hardest thing is to acknowledge when the feeling arises. Mindfulness equips us to do this. I find meditation helpful in many ways, especially in being aware of what’s happening inside our mind.

That’s why I said it’s normal to have feelings — be it negative or positive. Never identify the feelings as yourself. They are just feelings, come and go. Welcome any feelings you have into your heart and when they’re going away, wave a goodbye with a smile.

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta.