How many times are we caught in argument with someone over an opinion? Or how many times we feel upset when the other doesn’t do the way we want because we believe in our way? How many times that we feel upset fighting over a “good” cause by any means because we think that it’s the right thing to do?
Being right or wrong had always been in my mind. I used to think how could I make sure that I’d make right decision all the time, or at least, most of the time. Or how could I avoid making wrong turns in life? We are so conditioned in our society that we can’t make a mistake in life, and that (well at least for me) caused fear in our heart – fear of making a mistake. But if we reflect upon our lives, it’s during the hard times we learn the most.
Then again, I couldn’t help but ponder what is good, what is bad…? I knew that good or bad is relative. A person feel it’s normal to have sex before marriage, but the conservative B may see otherwise. So in this case, who’s right and who’s wrong? Well of course, to some extent, there are things that are always right, for example not killing another person is a right thing to do.
I couldn’t sit peacefully with the duality of right or wrong. I got confused… wasn’t sure how to live my life. I wanted to do the right thing, but I couldn’t find what is the right thing. And it also made me feel afraid of making mistakes in life. At times, I could also be indecisive…
Then throughout a lot of contemplation and practice, I then understood that it’s not the decisions I made in life that would determine whether it’s right or wrong, but it’s my attitude or intention behind it. I realised as long as I do or decide anything with good intention (ie out of compassion, kindness or generosity), I would always find joy resides in my heart. Then I knew it’s a right thing to do. To others my action may seem “normal” or not extraordinary but because I did it from my heart, I sensed joy arising. For example, when I give tips at a restaurant out of generosity I would feel joy, but if I do it out of norm I didn’t feel the joy.
That is a good teacher for me to tell me that’s the right thing to do! So now, I don’t feel as afraid as before in making decision. Because no matter what, I know I’d be alright because I know what my heart is telling me.
If this heart is taken care of properly, we’d know what anger does to it. We know and feel what the fire of anger does to our own well being. Hence we know that winning an argument is not the point, but to feel the warmth and gentleness in the heart matters more. If we hold kindness and compassion in the heart, no matter what challenges ahead of us, we know that we’re going to be okay.
This teaching doesn’t come easy – it took me some challenges and hiccups in life to realise what matters more. Again and again I see that it’s the relationship we have with whatever happens in life that determines how well we live our life – or to put it another way, it’s how we relate to our own experience that determines how happy we live…
May we all find peace, love and compassion in our hearts. May we all be well and happy.
Roujinlim's Ramblings 